BABY I COMPARE YOU TO A KISS FROM A ROSE

[shashka]

Who: Big Boss (John), Ocelot (Adam)
When: Mid-October
Where: The Suites With no Name
What: Guys Being Bros
Warnings: :')

[ three hundred years. Ocelot feels like he should be more shaken by all of this, but somehow he isn't. if nothing else, they'd managed to step out of the proverbial fire and back into something... a little calmer, more or less. in a truly miraculous twist of fate, they'd all even managed to survive.

(though of course, for Adam, there had only ever been one person that had mattered. everyone else, including himself, was expendable)

the last week or so had been an exercise in trying to settle into their new reality. John had left Adam the task of picking out new living quarters for the two of them, and while he'd thought he'd done a decent job at first, the occasional skittering across the floor had made it glaringly obvious that the quality was unfortunately just as "good", if not worse than Chioni.

(well. at the very least, John might have some new "food" to sample if he gets bored)

the only thing that hadn't really been addressed was the matter of everything that had happened between them, before the escape and shortly after. on one hand, it really wasn't something that needed addressing. it had happened, and nothing had really changed. on the other... for the past week or so, it had been easy enough to settle back into a familiar routine, with separate beds and conspiracy walls.

the fact of the matter was, it was likely going to continue on that way, unless something gave one way or another. and so, Adam resolves to actually make good on the promise they'd implicitly made to each other. And so with that, the next time they both find themselves back in their suite at the same time, he stops John, grabbing onto his arm. ]

You got a minute?

[ though first they'd need to make sure Joy was safely tucked into bed. ]

Comments

[camouflage]

If I had known, I wouldn't have kept you waiting.

[it's a tired joke at this point, but john feels like he has to break the layer of tension that has settled over them. not the awkward kind of tension that comes with regret or the gnawing tension of needing to escape the situation. it's the kind of tension that comes with the passing of a dream, the inevitability of reality coming to crash their party at any moment.

no matter how nice this is, no matter how glad he is to finally have adam in this capacity, the thoughts of home and their war linger. when they finally go back, there won't be anymore lying in bed with his friend like this. after all, the adam from his world is god knows where doing what he does best.

he doesn't know that john shares his feelings. he doesn't know that john is destined to die no matter how he tries to fix things. and he'll never know. the old soldier isn't so cruel as to let another version of his friend have even more reason to mourn him when he's dead and gone. spare him the pain and all that.

john grabs adam's wandering hand, traces a thumb over the knuckles.]

[shashka]

Next time, don't.

[ that was the problem, now wasn't it? no matter what happened, they'd go back and play their parts. unless something changed. something would have to. after all, Adam would never do anything like this on his own accord. he'd assumed the path he'd chosen was enough.

but it wasn't. Adam would never ask for more, but... ]

When you wake up back home, tell me how you feel.

[ even if in the end, John still met the same fate, at least then he'd have someone else beside him. even if he knows he should be the one to carry on their war, the idea of doing it all alone...

he catches his hand, holding onto it. ]

...Even if I don't remember any of this, if you ask, I'll always be there.

[ he'd picked John all those years ago, after all. ]

[camouflage]

[too many thoughts seek to be spoken at once, crowding his mouth with so many unsaid words he just stays silent. it's too late for them; this is the final leg in a marathon john feels like he's been dragging himself through. even if he kissed the breath out of the ocelot back home solely for his own selfishness (just to not be alone anymore), they still have roles to play. they still need to carry on as they always had.

if he were 20 years younger, if they were still working side-by-side flirting in that oblivious way of theirs, then yes. yes, he would wake up back home one of these days and immediately cut through the bullshit with his friend. why bother now? why complicate things further?

it was easier to come to terms with what he had been denying himself here because, well, there were no expectations. there was no zero, there was no imminent destruction. no war. they could indulge here when there was no one to take advantage of it. they could live in their little bubble and enjoy themselves.]

Adam... [the rational side of him wants to tell his friend that they should just enjoy the time they have. that there's no way that this will happen back home. but he can't; he needs this as much as adam does.] Thank you.

[shashka]

[ maybe this whole idea was completely futile. maybe it really would change nothing. in the end, neither of them were going to die as old men in their beds, especially not when Zero and his phantoms were still at large. and, he wasn't so naive as to think that his 'love' might somehow save John. but if he could somehow make his friend's final years a little more bearable, he'd gladly do that, no questions asked. ]

...I mean it.

[ they'd had so many chances they'd both missed. first, it had been when he'd first collected the Legacy, when all of this had started. if he'd only followed through on cutting Zero out and split it all with John... but he'd miscalculated. then, it had been when Adam had hesitated and John had disappeared into the night for years. there wouldn't be a "next time" for either of them. he links their hands together, sighing.

together or not, Adam knows that it will hurt just as much. ]